I am absolutely the target audience when it comes to pop culture. I love it. I eat it up. I must know all the gossip and drama of celebrities, influencers, actors, musicians. It really is some convoluted version of a hobby. And the best part about it? I get to participate in this (toxic) hobby from wherever I am. My access to information is in my pocket at times.
Horrible, right? I am well aware that this is bad behavior. However, this week I am tossing out the very thing that can keep me from all the mindless scrolling. This week I am throwing away social media time limits. Yes, you heard that correctly. If I was a mind reader (Edward Cullen?) I’d say you were thinking that while I am so intelligent and the single brightest light in your life, this is a red flag. And yes, I am the single brightest light in your life. But, while my red flags are numerous, this isn’t one of them. Let me take us back to where it all began.
On the fateful day of September 17, 2018, iOS 12 launched and with it, social media time limits (trust me, I looked it up). And four years later I’m here to deconstruct Steve Jobs agenda and prove once and for all that I am better, stronger, faster, smarter, and definitely more stunningly beautiful than the father of modern computers (I just made that up), and beyond needing a little robot controlling how I spend my time. Well, at least the last part is true.
Since that aforementioned iPhone update, I have had social media time limits monitoring my screen time. Great! Genius! Self control! Boundaries! Social media is the downfall of humanity! I am perfect and above the temptation of social media obsession! False. Everyday for the past four years I have, without fail, typed in my password and clicked “approve all day”. The tool I had implemented to be more present in the real world and less focused on the internet didn’t work.
Did you hear that, Apple? Your plan failed. My plan failed. I do feel the need to add a caveat because this might work for you. Social media time limits may solve all your problems and make you a better individual. It very well could succeed at pulling your head up from your phone and into the world around you. But it didn’t for me. All it takes is 4 numbers and I’m back in business.
I hate it. I hate that I come back to these apps as entertainment. Am I that afraid of being bored? Of being alone with my own thoughts? No, I don’t think that’s it. Sitting with my own thoughts is one of my favorite pastimes. If I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t be writing all my thoughts down and sharing them with you. When it all boils down, the act of opening these apps is an act of default. It’s ingrained into my body. It has set an expectation of being in the know, all the time, with what’s going on with, well, everybody.
Now that we have (somewhat) established why I genuinely need social media time limits, let’s dive into why I am throwing them away. Aside from the previously stated fact that they simply don’t work for me, why do they need to be tossed out? What’s the harm of having them, even if I am constantly overriding the system? If anything, they could function as a pulse check. A gentle nudge reminding me where I’m at–time wise, even if I ignore the limits. Yet, the emotional response that I feel is not neutral, it’s negative. They make me feel guilty. They make me feel like I have failed at my own goals. Goals that I mindlessly set four years ago, but a goal nonetheless. An expectation I have for myself, that I will eventually want social media less. I will stop craving. Like some subconscious pavlovian experiment with myself.
If every time I open Instagram I am told not to, then I will eventually stop opening it. But I am not a dog, and my science is faulty. I continue to go on Instagram or TikTok or even BeReal, despite having some pseudo accountability partner telling me not to. When I inevitably ignore the limit and add more time, I feel a twinge of failure. With that, I also feel a sense of resignation. Of course I added more time, of course I can’t stop myself. Social media is bad, and since I can’t resist then I am also bad. This fosters a feedback loop in my brain that not only leads to negative self-talk but also fails monumentally at the primary objective, to get me off social media.
So this week, I took the time limits off. If I want to be on social media less, then it has to be my choice. I know myself well enough to know that I won’t actually do anything unless it feels like my own personal decision. My hope is that my relationship with social media changes. It isn’t a source of guilt or a product of my own lack of self-control. A choice to put my phone down and be present in the world is a deliberate choice to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else. To form a different pavlovian response. That I am choosing not to waste another hour on social media because I crave other things more, genuine human connection or my creative energy for something that makes me feel good and confident and more alive. I’m resisting the urge to open instagram not because I have to, but because I want to. That’s not to say I won’t be providing quality, top tier content for all my fans, I am only human after all. But, maybe two hours turns to one and one turns to a quick forty fiver.
Will it work? Only time will tell. Ask me about it next week and I’ll let you know how it’s going.
My words to you, the reluctant reader, would be to give yourself permission to remove the things in life that make you feel like you’re failing over and over again. It’s good to have goals. It’s good to set boundaries, but I think the way we approach them makes all the difference. Approach them with the confidence that you already possess the power to set boundaries, and any tools you use are just an asset. You are the only one who can quit x or start doing z. You can do it. Surround yourself with people who will celebrate small victories instead of faulting every mistake.
Your Trashiest Friend,
B
